THE DUFF

Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so near to Monday?? A question most if not all youths ask themselves quite often. Well guess what, I too, think about it once in a while and always end up getting lost deep in thought with no straight forward answer at the end of it all. So how about not even thinking about entertaining such thoughts and enjoying God’s natural order of creation???? This I think would lead to a happy, stress free and purposeful life. “Try getting rid of the not so positive thoughts and let me know what you think in a couple of days,” a wise old friend of mine once said. So here I am on a Sunday evening enjoying the final hours of the long weekend that has been, doing what I love doing, #Writing this piece down, before resting in anticipation of the new week. It has been quite a while since I last sat down this late and worked on something. Sometimes WE want to write all day and night, everyday but life as you already know comes with many other events all wrapped up into one and that should be played out by you thus making it practically impossible for one to do nothing else but write. Today though, seems a little bit different and at the same time interesting, here’s why. As usual most youths in this day and age if not going to school for classes or working some place to earn some extra cash would be caught engaging in diverse “pass time” activities or as many would like to refer to them, co-curricular activities, that are unique to each and every one of us with the sole aim of “kicking out boredom” and for some, perhaps even adding some value to themselves while at it. For me, a good novel from the school’s library has always made my weekends of course with some writing taking up some of the hours too. Who knows? Maybe someday one of my very own novel will be your favourite bedside book. Unfortunately on this weekend I had no novel to be deeply engrossed in, so much so that you do not even notice as time passes, and thought, maybe a movie or two could do. You definitely would not have found me with any movies then, thus earning myself a visit to my next door neighbor who has been a movie enthusiast for the longest time now. From him I expected to be brought up to date on what the latest movie in town was, what was trending at the time, all what I needed to urgently know so as not to feel left out of the YOLO generation just in case I found myself in unfamiliar grounds where people knew nothing but movies. Lastly, what movie would be of interest to me judging from the tastes and preferences that I kindly shared with him. It took me time but at least I walked home with a few movies in hand ready to enjoy the chilly evening. Armed with my movies, some snacks and a hot mug of coffee, I settled for my first movie which turned out to be the only movie I watched the entire weekend. No, it certainly did not bore me to death. In fact I did not expect to be as excited as I was this night just from watching a single movie. Many of you might have watched this movie over and over but still did not get into it like I did. Well, for me, it turned out to be more than just entertainment. From It I added one more lesson to my collection of “Borrowed Words Of Wisdom”. From the same movie I drew inspiration for this piece that I hope will add value to you at the end of it all. I could possibly not go on with the other movies until this piece was complete. Believe it or not, I immediately embarked on writing after the movie was over, for fear of waking up early in the morning to a blank mind full of nothing but sleep. I will not keep you in suspense any longer trying to guess what movie that could have been so here it is, THE DUFF. Heard of it?? I think you have but just did not get more out of it like I did or maybe you did and kept it all to yourself. It was all about we, the youths , living in this dangerous times and some of the major challenges we face in life most especially throughout all the time that we spend in school all the way from primary school up to the university level. Sure, we do go through a lot but here they choose to focus on one vital area of our lives that affects each and everything that we do and how it is done. #SELF-ESTEEM it is and I must admit how they packaged it all in an entertaining way but still managed to drive their message home, was 100% awesome and very well thought of. Perhaps that aspect of the movie is what made it sound appealing to me since as you all know, in partnership with like-minded individuals I have been interested in being of help to those in society who really need and deserve it. My friends and I have made it our aim to empower, transform and make a difference in the lives of a generation that seems to be somewhat naturally confused, me included. Our target has definitely not been the whole wide world but that one single youth suffering in silence in our localities. This pain may never physically show because we all almost always endeavour to potray the image of this strong macho individuals, to the world,  who are never shaken come what may but if you take a closer look at the inside, you may notice many broken pieces struggling to carry on. This is the bitter reality with most of our youths and truth be told, It is not always our fault that deep within, we feel lost, hurt, confused, misunderstood, insignificant and even dying but because we have so much going on in our lives at a rate that only God can explain. At times dozens of questions race up and down our small minds like fire eating up dry grass all day everyday not giving us peace of mind. Sometimes we have so much in mind that we end up debating with ourselves all night at the expense of our precious sleep time  and other times we are just so much full of curiosity that makes us want to explore the world and learn new interesting things out there. Generally, growing up in this times (the 21^st century) with the world as it is, is definitely one of the toughest battles our youths have to face.

That is exactly what the girl I would like to think of as the main character in the movie was going through, especially after one of her friends just called her “The Duff”. The name sounds interesting but the meaning is disgusting or so I think. This simple four letter word made the pretty, reserved and very intelligent girl (I wish it were possible to switch brains and get all my math assignments done right and on time) go out of her way to do crazy things just to please her peers. Her self-esteem was damaged, so much so that she thought her not so intelligent but beautiful friends were only using her to make themselves look even prettier. She went as far as ending their long time unconditional and trustworthy friendship with her two best friends, cut all ties and bonds with them and pretended to have moved on. But guess what this did to her???She started befriending the wrong people, doing the wrong things with caution thrown out of the window and engaging in self destructing activities all with an aim to be that perfect her that she thought she was not. She was the kind of friends we would all want to be associated with but because all the other students seemed to be doing cool staff than she was, it weighed heavily on her self-believe which in turn caused her confidence and esteem to deteriorate to fatal levels. She badly wanted to be more appealing and interesting to her peers. This left her trying all the tricks she had saved in her bags. For some time they seemed to work but as they say, an original is worth much more than a copy. It went on just fine but you certainly cannot fake “YOU” for the rest of your life. It was hard to keep up with the lies she had to tell herself each day just to appear as something she really was not but thought to be the perfect definition of cool. It took a toll on her life. Sadly she had no one to talk to which made it even worse and depressing. Sometimes it is not that we fail to share whatever is going on in our lives. We always at some point want our very many questions answered, our doubts cleared, we need someone to teach us how to deal with our insecurities, we need to be understood and guided in the right direction and above all, we need to be LOVED. For some all this tends to lack from the very people who should be the pillars of strength in our lives. This could be the family or close friends that we treasure. It is impossible to change the families that we come from but why stick around a friend in whom you cannot confide and open up to about all that could be pressuring us. We all have times when we feel like the world is crumbling at our feet and are in need of someone who will offer you a shoulder to cry on, an ear wide open to listen and hands strong enough to pull you up from your fall and walk with you as you save yourself. Within family love begins and never ends but I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t feel safe with family when in such times. A good trustworthy friend would be your much needed help but at times even them fail to be of help and instead lead us into even deeper and more painful falls with severe consequences. At this point you may feel all alone. Desperately alone, rejected and staring at a world, with eyes full of grieve, that seems to have turned 100% against you. At this point, I guess, if by any chance you would come across a misplaced gun, you probably would not hesitate to pull the trigger with the gun pointed directly at your brain. Until you get to such a point you may never be able to identify with such a youth but I assure you, it is the worst feeling you could possibly ever have to go through. You think it isn’t???Then, for just a day, look at the most worthless creature on earth and pretend to be it. Haven’t you noticed yet how no one wants to be associated with you?? Do this for another day and see how things play out. Trust me, I know how it feels and that is why part of my time here on earth is spent with my very able friends  trying to reach out to our fellow youths out there and sharing our experiences hoping that it will be of  help to them in turning their lives around and living a life, the kind that God intended for us all. A life of purpose.  For me , my big brother and small sister play a big role that can’t be exhaustively explained in a sentence. Whenever I am around them, you mysteriously feel energized and feel like the whole world belongs to you. They are the best. I also have this one friend whom you would find a little bit interesting but I believe that it was part of our destiny to not only meet, nurture a good friendship but also to work together. You may not be that privileged but that is no excuse for you to pin yourself down by the roadside and watch as others pass you by. As a young youth, It may be stressful to explain what’s going on in your head when you do not even understand it yourself. Why not look for other youths with a positive mindset who have been there before and somehow managed to find a way out of such terrorizing situations? I did it myself, others have done exactly that and lucky for us the friends that we turned to were not just curious to know what was happening but were also interested in getting an in depth understanding of our dilemmas.
 This kind of friends are rare to come across but they do exist. If someone saw you through that dark period of your life where everything did not seem to make sense, and is still around whenever you need to consult on a few issues, consider yourself the luckiest being on earth. And why not give back to society by doing exactly that to someone, somewhere looking for you but just doesn’t know how to ask? Sometimes all they need is a friend to stand by themselves and watch as they save themselves. The girl in the movie after sometime came back to her senses. Looking back she really laughed at everything she had done but decided to let the past remain where it belongs and moved on. She apologized to her only true friends who accepted her back just the way she was. Isn’t it an amazing feeling when you wake up in the morning feeling like you have all you need to go out there and conquer the world? It certainly is and only an original you can. All what the girl was doing was in hot pursuit of nothing but a HAPPY life. We all want happy lives but sadly it always seems to escape some of us. She wasted her precious time, energy and life trying to make herself acceptable, fit in, cool and interesting but this only left her feeling more and more miserable instead. Guess what she learned from all her experiences? I just gave it some thought too and it seems to be making a lot of sense. Being HAPPY doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It means that you have decided to look beyond the imperfections. It was no secret that she was a very intelligent girl, she had good manners, she showed others respect and would always help those who really needed it. She had definitely been raised properly but to her, it all seemed like she was old school. Anyone would do anything to be in her shoes but for some time she did not feel cool with it  and did all that she could just to appear and feel part of everybody else. This went on for a while but she definitely could not live a lie for the rest of her life. We all naturally come back to our senses at one point but different people take different durations to discover certain things. Some take longer, others shorter but we all eventually do and when we do, we bounce back more rejuvenated than ever. I love the way she bounced back, embraced the real her and faced life as it was determined to make the most of who she was and what she could do. Deep in the desert where she was lost is where she found true herself. Her school, home and social aspects of life all grew to heights she could not have imagined. That was the beauty of finally accepting that she was different. We all are and that is what makes life as interesting as it is. Having read all this what stood out for you?Feel free to comment below. Share your experiences with us, how you dealt with them and what lessons you learnt thereafter. You may as well be the answer to someones trouble out there. For me this was the climax: So many people think you are awesome, special and worth wile. Why would you listen to the one person who thinks you are not?????  ONLY YOU CAN DEFINE YOURSELF!!!!